I hesitate occasionally when writing, often writing large chunks that I cut out before publishing. I regularly refrain from expressing myself candidly in writing with the same openness that I think my thoughts. I view this as something of a detriment inasmuch as it is pragmatic.
It is reasonable to be careful with one’s words. For the sake of survival, particularly in polarized political climates, it is important to be cognizant of how one’s words might be received from a variety of angles.
Insomuch part of my writing feels like I am talking into a void, as with any post published instantly on the internet, who knows what true influence it will have, how many people it might reach?
Therein lies the allure of publishing freely online, but also its cost: for I am not writing anonymously, but with my real name, openly, and therefore staking my professional and personal reputation upon it. Who knows what repercussions a stray word might have?
Best to treat words like bullets and choose a meaningful target: or so certain sage advice goes.
I tire of this trepidatious approach, eager to express myself with zest, to take full ownership of my words, however “wrong” my contemplations may be, no matter whose emotions or sensibilities I offend.
Perhaps at the end, beyond my end, there will be greater value in having the courage to state things, however damning it is to me in the contemporary sense.
Or perhaps my words lean too much towards scathing intellectual critique, the kind of criticism that is certain to offend many simpletons, and it is prudent to exercise caution for my own sake: cogent civility is arguably a more advisable approach than vomiting all my opinions haphazardly. When delivering bitter medicine, coat it sweetly.
The most likely scenario is that I am never heard, and my words disappear into the void without so much as a peep.
After all, I lack any real degrees or credentials; I am not a recognized philosopher or scientist or intellectual; I am not a known author or famous character. All I stand upon are a mountain of words and reflections, most of which have never seen the light of conversation, much less mention.
But perhaps that is why I should express myself freely, and fiercely, even if I am to later retract my words or be misquoted and misinterpreted.
After all, haters will be haters. They will gladly hate you for other reasons, even if you say all the right things.
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