There are many kinds of love. Many colors, shades, and natures. Perhaps it is safe to say there are as many ways to love as there are people!

We each tend to have expectations of how others will love us. When these expectations aren’t met, we often feel blighted, wronged, or betrayed. Our egos tend to get hurt.

It is important to have an open mind to the different kinds of love languages people use. The way your parents love you, for example, may at times feel overbearing and annoying. The way a friend loves you and gives you advice might get on your nerves.

One of the most important interpersonal skills is knowing how to communicate love and one’s expectations of love. A great many conflicts arise when we presume someone else knows our expectations, then behave differently.

Cats show affection by hunting critters and leaving them as gifts. Extroverts tend to show affection through direct action, like going out on an adventure or throwing you a birthday party. Introverts tend to be indirect in their approach: an introvert might make a piece of art to show their love for someone, like a poem or a painting.

Just as every individual expresses love in their own way, people are also receptive to different kinds of love. For example, an introvert might not be as appreciative of a surprise birthday party as an extrovert. An introvert might prefer a quiet, intimate dinner instead.

Being able to discern people’s love languages and expectations is an important social ability related to the “EQ” buzzword. By developing the ability to read people’s expectations and needs, one can be a better peer, colleague, friend, spouse, and lover.

Cultivating Love

Fundamentally, love is a choice. We must choose to love others. When we do so, we are able to extricate the emotion from our souls, and manifest it within the world. This ability tends to be buried as impractical, or weakness, by many people.

Love can be cultivated by focus and determination. You can decide that you wish to love others, and then meditate on how to accomplish that. I believe empathy is the conduit that enables us to love others; when we are able to put ourselves in others’ shoes, we begin to be able to love them.

Empathizing with others is a conscious choice. It takes a tremendous deal of reflection about another person: their words, behaviors, mannerisms, expressions, and so on. To empathize is to dissect these observations and develop a model for how another person works. This model is not completely accurate, but it enables us to perceive others in an intimate sense through the lens of our own experiences.