die//polar – 4

The waiting room of Iris’s clinic at four o’clock on a Wednesday held three people, a coffee-stained copy of last week’s city paper, a water cooler that needed a new bottle, and the temperature the building’s superintendent considered correct, which was two degrees below comfortable. Iris kept a sweater on the back of her office chair for this reason. She was wearing it.

On the desk before her was the state stay-of-eviction motion she had filled out three times that month already. Three pages, four signatures, one of them notarized. She had the form most of the way done. The lamp was on. The overhead was off. The window over her shoulder showed the alley behind the building going gray with the early afternoon.

The intercom on the corner of the desk popped once.

“Iris. Marisol is here.”

She capped the pen and set it across the form. She stood up. The sweater settled against her back, and she pulled it closer at the shoulders. She walked the short hallway to the front.

Marisol Reyes was at the partition with the manila envelope she had carried to four consultations now. Forty-one years old. Home health aide. Registered E-rank since the year mandatory re-evaluations went into effect after the third PPR amendment. Her hair was up. She was wearing the same canvas coat she had worn last month. She had slept badly, and she was making no effort to hide it.

“Marisol,” Iris said, and she meant it the way she meant most things she said to Marisol, which was more than the room asked of her.

They walked back to the office. Marisol took the chair closer to the door. Iris took her own. The lamp on the desk lit the space between them; the corkboard on the back of the door — a calendar, three index cards — was the only other thing in the room that was decoration. The framed bar-association recognition above the filing cabinet was from 2018 and had gone dusty in the corners.

Marisol set the envelope on the desk and opened it. She slid out the eviction notice, three rent receipts, and a folded printout from the PPR’s online portal that she had paid for at the public library on Tuesday — twenty cents a page, four pages, eighty cents in coins from the bottom of her purse. She unfolded the printout slowly.

Iris read the eviction notice. She read it again.

The grounds the landlord had listed were failure to disclose qualifying circumstances at lease signing. The lease was from 2019. Marisol’s PPR registration predated the lease by twelve years; the printout in front of Iris confirmed it. The clause the landlord was reaching for did not apply. Iris had worked this clause four times in the past two years. She knew what the appellate court had said about it in this jurisdiction, and she knew what the trial judge they would draw on Friday tended to say about landlords who had read the federalist newspaper and decided they could do the federalist newspaper’s policy themselves.

She told Marisol so. She didn’t soften it. Marisol had been to lawyers before and didn’t need softening; what she needed was competence.

“They can’t reach for that clause,” Iris said. “The registration was on file twelve years before the lease. We file the stay tomorrow. The judge we’ll draw doesn’t like this kind of motion. She’ll grant. The landlord will appeal. The appeal takes about six weeks. In those six weeks you stay where you are.”

Marisol nodded once. “And after.”

“After we work the longer ground. The lease runs through October. He cannot non-renew you for the registration; that is settled law. He can try other things. We will see what he tries.”

Marisol nodded again. She looked at her hands in her lap. The hands had been folded on top of her purse for most of the consultation, and Iris read what was on top of the eviction notice along with Marisol’s hands, and waited.

Iris filled out the rest of the motion across the desk while Marisol watched. She called Anita through the partition; Anita came in with the notary stamp; the signature was completed in ninety seconds. Iris signed her own name with the Pelikan she had bought at a stationery store on Beacon Hill the year she clerked. The seal was pressed. Anita took the motion back to the front for the morning courier.

The two of them sat for a moment in the office with the work completed. Marisol had not picked up her purse from the floor beside her chair. Iris had not stood from her own chair.

Marisol, looking at the desk and not at Iris, said — in English, the language they had been working in, with the small accent that was the way she spoke English on the days she was too tired to switch out of it — that her nephew Joaquín had died in November. Fifteen years old. He had been buying off the same network that had been taking the kids on his block for years. His mother had not known he was using. His mother had buried her son in December.

Iris had known this since the first consultation. She had not asked Marisol to repeat it. Marisol was repeating it now because the work for the day was done and there was room, briefly, for the thing she had come in to say underneath the thing she had come in to say.

“The kids in his school,” Marisol said. “They were saying the same name about the supply that killed Joaquín that they’d been saying about the supply that killed three other kids on his block the same month. They said it casual. Like everybody already knew.”

She watched Iris. She said the name.

“El Roble.”

Iris’s hand picked up the pencil pad on the corner of the desk — the pad she used for client names she would look up later — and wrote the name in pencil. Underlined it once. Set the pencil down.

Marisol watched her write. Neither of them said anything.

After a moment Marisol lifted her purse off the floor. Iris stood up. They walked to the front. Iris handed Anita the motion for the morning courier. At the door, Iris put her hand on Marisol’s shoulder for two seconds — not a pat, not a hug — and let it go. Marisol nodded. She walked out into the afternoon.

The waiting room was empty. The two other people who had been there when Marisol arrived had been seen by the late-Wednesday paralegal. Anita was filing. The clinic at this hour was quiet enough that the building’s heating, knocking three flights up at the dental office’s old radiators, could be heard.

Iris walked back to her office. Closed the door. Sat at her desk. Looked at the pad with the name on it.


She bent to the bottom-right drawer of the desk. The drawer took a key, not a code. She kept the key on a small ring in her purse, separate from the office keys Anita knew about. She unlocked the drawer and opened it.

Inside the drawer was one folder. Plain manila, thicker than it looked. The label on the tab was in her own handwriting in pencil, two words: the network. No case number. No date. The folder had been in the drawer for two years.

She lifted it onto the desk. The cardboard bottom of the drawer puffed a small rise of dust as the folder left it. She set it under the lamp and opened it.

The DEA’s indictment of the dealer was on top. Two pages, photocopied. Marginalia in pencil along the right edge — her own hand, dated in the lower corner of each page in the way she had dated everything she had worked on for thirty years. The dealer’s name, which the indictment named. The supplier the indictment did not name. The structure of the omission she had annotated in three places.

Below the indictment was the death certificate. She didn’t look at the page twice. She moved it aside as she would move any other page in a file, the way she had trained her hand to move it.

Below the certificate was a single typed sheet. Three names, each followed by the city the student was from, the date of death, and the name of that family’s lawyer where Iris had been able to find one. The page had been typed on a community-college student’s Selectric in 2022 because her hand had not been steady enough that month, and the page was the only one in the folder she had not produced herself. She had held the page so many times the paper had gone soft at the corners.

Below the typed sheet was the working list. Distributors, dealers, runners — the names she had gathered across two years from clients who came in on housing and stayed long enough to mention what was happening on their blocks; from a registered nurse in a hospital where they had autopsied four overdoses in a single August week; from the mother of a girl she had defended in a school disciplinary hearing whose son had been the seller. Some of the names had been crossed out. Most had not. The heading at the top, in pencil: the network. The same two words as the tab.

Below the list, folded twice, was the city map. Three different colors of marker tracing what she had come to believe were the three principal supply lines feeding the city’s enclaves. The map was two years old. She had not redrawn it. She had not needed to.

Below the map was a regional newspaper clipping from a different state, dated last summer, covering a wholesale seizure by a state agency operating without coordination with the federal apparatus. She had circled, in the margin, the absence of the DEA from the credited agencies.

At the back of the folder, in a clear plastic sleeve, were three printed pages from a federal court docket from 2019. The pages had nothing apparent to do with Damian. They were a discovery dispute in a different case in a different state, in which a defense contractor’s preferred procurement structure had been challenged by a smaller competitor. The challenge had been withdrawn three weeks after the printout’s date. She had read the pages many times. She didn’t read them today.

She turned to the working list.

She uncapped the Pelikan and wrote, on the next blank line:

El Roble.

She set the pen down and looked at the list.

Fifty-three names.

She closed the folder. She returned it to the drawer. Locked the drawer. Pocketed the key in her purse with the small ring. The Pelikan went into the breast pocket of her sweater.

She picked up her phone and called Desmond.

The call rang.

It rang.

It rang.

The voicemail picked up. The voice on the recording was the voice he had used when he was twenty-two and had recorded a friendly outgoing message he had not changed since.

“You’ve reached Desmond. Leave a message.”

The beep.

She didn’t speak. She listened to the small silence of the recording running. She breathed once. She ended the call.

She finished the closing-out paperwork for the day. She set the morning’s filings on Anita’s desk through the partition. Signed her own time card. Drank the rest of the cold coffee in the glazed clay mug Damian had thrown in his junior-year ceramics class — the only mug she kept in this office, the only mug she had used in this office since the year he was sixteen.

She turned off the lamp. The office went to the gray of the alley window. She put on her coat. Picked up her purse. Locked the office door. Said goodnight to Anita through the partition. Anita said goodnight back, the same goodnight she had said for eleven years.

The parking lot behind the clinic at this hour held three other cars. Iris’s was a 2014 Subaru wagon. She got in. Sat behind the wheel for a moment. Looked at the steering wheel. Started the engine.

She pulled out of the lot. She turned east at the corner. East was toward home. She drove east six blocks.

At the intersection of Third and Linwood the light was red. She was in the right lane.

The right lane was the lane that turned north.

When the light turned green, she turned north.


The route from the clinic to her son’s apartment was a route she had driven before. Twice, both times in the last six months, both times the way she was driving it now — which was without having decided in advance to drive it. The bridge over the rail yard. The long stretch through the warehouse district where the streetlights ran intermittent and the sodium-orange of the corner bodegas was the brightest thing on most blocks. The right turn onto his street.

His building was the third on the right. She found a space three doors down on the opposite side of the street and parked parallel without any of the small adjustments she had been making with the parking for ten years. She cut the engine. She sat.

The third-floor windows on the south side of the building were his. The window was lit. She could see, against the lit window, the dim shape of his desk lamp inside, and behind it the slightly darker shape of the refrigerator. She could not see him. She didn’t know whether he was in the apartment. She knew the lamp was on. She knew the lamp didn’t turn itself on.

A man with a small dog walked past the car on her side. He didn’t look at her. The dog wore a knit jacket. He walked his dog past her toward the corner.

A woman came out of the building two doors down with a recycling bin. She set the bin at the curb. She went back inside.

A city bus passed on the cross-street at the corner, its headlights briefly coming through the intersection.

The lamp in the window dimmed. Or didn’t. She couldn’t tell from the angle whether the lamp had been turned down or whether her eyes had adjusted.

The sky over the building went from gray-blue to the deep blue of full evening. The streetlights on the block came on.

A car turned onto the block. It slowed in front of his building. It continued on.

Forty minutes had passed.

She didn’t get out.

She turned the key. The engine started. She pulled away from the curb. Drove down the block. Turned at the end of it. The lamp in the window stayed on. She didn’t look at the rearview mirror to confirm this.

The drive home was twenty-two minutes at this hour. The on-ramp. The highway. The exit. The residential streets of the suburb she and Marcus had lived in for thirty years. The driveway.

Marcus’s car was there. The kitchen window was lit. The dining-room window was dark. The living-room window had the blue flicker of a television Marcus had not muted.

She came in through the side door from the carport. Hung her coat on the hook in the hall. Set her purse on the small table inside the door. Slipped off her shoes — house rule since the children were small — and slid into the soft slip-ons by the door. The smell of the house was garlic and rosemary in olive oil. He was making one of the three things he reliably made.

He was at the stove, his back to the door. The wooden spoon in the pan, the kitchen towel over his shoulder. The plaid flannel he had worn on cold days for fifteen years. The kitchen radio was on, low — public radio, the evening classical hour, a piano piece she didn’t recognize. He didn’t turn off the radio when she came in.

She didn’t greet him aloud. She set her purse on the kitchen table. Walked over to the stove. Stood beside him, looking into the pan. He didn’t turn his head.

“Five minutes,” he said.

“Okay,” she said.

She set the table the way she set the table — two plates, two glasses, two folded napkins, the bread board with the heel of yesterday’s loaf, the small dish of olive oil with the salt in it. She did it without watching her own hands.

He brought the pan to the table on a hot pad. Served her first. Served himself. Sat.

The radio was still on, low.

They ate.

She was not hungry. Marcus was watching her eat the way he had, since some month she could not name, been watching her eat. He didn’t ask where she had been. She didn’t say. They were afraid in the same direction.

At some point in the meal he put his hand on hers. He held it. Two seconds. He let it go. Picked up his fork.

Neither of them said Damian’s name. Neither of them said Desmond’s.

She ate anyway.

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