Bad Habits
We’re all aware of the difficulties of building good habits. Perhaps the single greatest hurdle in this everlasting quest is unlearning bad habits we pick up along the way.
Bad habits come from a variety of sources. They can originate from external influences, from internal laziness, and from the human need for comfort and relaxation. No matter the origin, unlearning a bad habit takes time. A bad habit that becomes entrenched over the course of several years cannot be undone overnight.
Our brains accrue collections of neurons and synaptic associations with every action we take. Repeating a certain bad habit over a long period of time builds a momentum for repeating that behavior by “training” our brains to prefer that habit, no matter how detrimental it may be. This is doubly true for substance abuse, whether it be drugs or alcohol, which often produce waterfalls of dopamine in our brains.
Modern Life Makes Things Hard
Many contemporary jobs necessitate an endless degree of high-level decision-making. These tasks are incredibly taxing on our limited psychological willpower. This drain on our willpower from modern jobs often makes it difficult to exert the self-control necessary to build good habits after work. Doctors, lawyers, scientists, and engineers are only some examples of demanding work. Even jobs that don’t require as much thought, e.g. labor-oriented blue-collar jobs like construction and food service are physically demanding, which creates a similar drain on our will.
Our willpower is finite resource that recharges on a day-to-day basis. Emotional drains, anxiety, fear, and stress further cause our wills to hemorrhage. The use of caffeine and other stimulants makes it easier to work, but oftentimes at a cost of causing our brains to crash. When we crash, it becomes tenfold more difficult to get ourselves to build good habits.
When we get home, it’s all too easy to kick off our shoes and plop down in front of the couch. Oftentimes, we don’t feel like doing anything. It’s a challenge to get ourselves up and cook, rather than buying takeout; it’s even more of a challenge to get ourselves out the door and to the gym, particularly if we’re hungry.
With such exacting demands from our modern lives, how in the world does one find the energy and ability to build good habits?
Take Baby Steps
One of the greatest causes of failure in building new habits is a tendency to try too hard. Pushing oneself too hard has the inverse effect of causing resentment and subconscious resistance in our brains. It is therefore crucial to pace oneself and take small steps.
When building a habit of exercising, don’t start by going for a three-mile run. This may be tempting, you may feel better by telling yourself, “tomorrow I will run three miles, come rain or shine.” However, when you begin to run, you quickly realize you only have the energy for fifteen minutes of running. This becomes discouraging and that impedes your ability to enjoy the habit-building process.
It is essential that instead you make your goal to build a good habit, rather than setting a concrete goal like running three miles. Instead, tell yourself that the real goal is simply to get out the door and walk. Even a five minute walk is a victory – as long as you get up and get out the door.
This way, you do not feel punished, nor do you feel like a failure. This motivates you to continue trying. The next day, you find you are able to walk for ten minutes. The day after, 30 minutes seems like a breeze. Within a week, you can walk for three hours.
Similarly, when building a habit of going to the gym, the most important aspect is going. Simply get out and get to the gym. You don’t have to exercise too hard. Five minutes is fine on your first day. Actually, it is fine simply to drive to the gym, go to the locker room, and then go home. Make sure you continue to do it daily, however. Sooner than later, you will find yourself at the gym and think, “what the heck – I am already here, I may as well do some exercise.”
Don’t worry about how much weight you can lift or how many reps you can do. Don’t focus on other people who seem to be able to do so much more than you: remember, they have likely been training for years to get to the shape they’re in. You’ll get there, too. Instead of feeling envious of others or getting discouraged by comparing yourself to them, treat them as role models. Tell yourself, “that’s going to be me in a few years.”
Like in the story of the tortoise and the hare, consistency is key.
Make It Easier
A major hurdle in building a new habit is the time cost. It is much more difficult to convince yourself to go to the gym if it is fifteen minutes away. Similarly, it is much harder to quit eating fast food if you pass by fast food restaurants on your way home.
The solution? Find a gym closer to your home. Take a different, longer route home from work in order to avoid passing the fast food restaurants that are so tempting. If food is your weakness, switch to a diet higher in fiber that makes you feel full. Do intermittent fasting, not only for the health benefits, but for the self-discipline. Walking triggers your metabolism in such a way that hunger is reduced, particularly if you are fasting. Walking is one of the greatest exercises!
If your joints hurt from exercise, find lower-impact exercises. Elliptical machines are incredible because they mitigate the impact on your knees and ankles while still delivering a phenomenal cardio workout. Similarly, walking on a treadmill is much softer on your joints than walking on concrete. Doing high reps of lower weights similarly tones your body while reducing the strain on your joints.
Cutting Out The Bad
To cut out bad habits, it’s useful to make rules for yourself. For example, to quit smoking, make a rule that you won’t buy any more cigarettes, but it’s okay to ask someone else to bum a cigarette. You will most likely go and hang out with people who smoke in order to get your fix. However, the guilt of having to constantly ask others for cigarettes should help curb how much you smoke. You will naturally cut down.
Similarly, to quit drinking, make a rule that you can’t have any alcohol at home. You will most likely resort to eating out and buying drinks outside: however, this will become expensive very quickly. The expenses will form a natural deterrent that helps you gradually cut down on drinking. Eventually, you will be ready to cut down further by tweaking your rule: for example, no more drinking at restaurants because it’s too expensive. Then you will only be able to drink if you happen to go to a gathering where there is free alcohol.
The next natural step in this example is to stop going to parties and functions that serve alcohol. Instead, stick to events that are alcohol-free. Stop spending time with people who drink or tempt you to drink. Cut out any and all reminders of drinking.
The last step is to replace alcohol with non-alcoholic beer: something that quells the oral fixation but doesn’t offer a buzz. At this point, you’re ready to quit drinking altogether. Focus on staying sober for a whole year. This approach is tremendously powerful, versatile, and relatively easy. It is equally effective in cutting back on nicotine, whether it be e-vaping or cigarettes.
The longer you have been smoking or drinking, the longer it will take to quit. Cigarettes and nicotine in particular are notoriously addictive. You may have to resort to substitution like nicotine gum or lozenges. Nicotine-free vapes help with the oral fixation without giving you the nicotine buzz.
If you live with smokers or drinkers, the most effective strategy is simply to move out – though this is easier said than done.
Don’t Punish Yourself
When quitting any sort of bad habit or addiction, it’s all too easy to relapse. Don’t punish yourself for relapsing. There’s little use in feeling guilty or angry at yourself. In fact, these negative emotions reinforce your desire to engage in a bad habit. The healthier approach is simply to tell yourself that you’re proud of how hard you’re working towards quitting, that you’ll never give up, no matter what.
It takes time to unlearn a bad habit. Give yourself that grace. Impatience is your enemy.
Bundle Bad Habits Into Cheat Days
A useful strategy when you’re having difficulty quitting a particularly entrenched bad habit is to give yourself specific cheat days. For example, set aside a single day every two weeks where you are allowed to have the poison of your choice.
When you engage in the bad habit on your cheat day, you will find yourself thinking: “why did allow myself to do this?” You will remember how much you dislike the thing you are doing, and it will reaffirm your desire to quit completely. You will think to yourself, “this is nice, but I can’t wait to be rid of this habit once and for all.”
Write About All The Things You Hate
Cigarettes are gross. They make you smell. Alcohol is a poison: it disrupts your sleep, makes your brain hyperactive, and causes you to lose control of your emotions and spout nonsense. Fast food makes you feel sluggish and makes you fat. Take time to remember all the negative aspects of your bad habits. Remind yourself of these bad things constantly, particularly on your cheat days.
One of the key aspects of a bad habit is how ingrained into your subconscious it has become. Oftentimes, you are no longer able to exert conscientious effort. You feel a craving, and before you know it, you’re outside lighting up a smoke, or at the liquor store browsing for a bottle. By making an effort to constantly reflect on everything you hate in your bad habits, you will reintroduce your conscientiousness to the equation. It is this awareness which will empower your decision-making to quit once and for all.
You’re Not an Addict
Over the years, you likely developed a self-identity associated with your bad habits. You see yourself as a smoker or an alcoholic. Discard this identity. Instead, adopt an identity of being a human who is striving to overcome their shortcomings and become a better person.
This positive association of identity will encourage and motivate you. Positive affirmation is the name of the game; the brain responds to positivity far better than negative reinforcement, e.g. guilt and self-deprecation. Give yourself that vote of self-confidence!
Be There For Others
It can be incredibly meaningful and helpful to form support groups with others who are also trying to quit the same bad habits as you. There are many online forums for just this purpose. Take the time to support others in their journey and share your own experiences. You never know who you might be helping!
The words you put out there for others will help you, too. After all, who wants to be a hypocrite and say one thing while doing another? Your desire for self-consistency will help you stay on a straight path.
Distract Yourself
Last but not least is the strategy of self-distraction. It is meaningful to use entertainment, like movies, video games, sports, and other forms of recreation to distract oneself from the temptation of a bad habit.
Here are some ideas:
- Learn how to ride a motorcycle
- Take up drawing or art
- Write poetry or fiction
- Join a volleyball team or sports league
- Spend time volunteering
- Spend time with children
Have faith in yourself, and remember: you can do it!
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